So, lately I’ve been focused on the concept of living like the main character of a romcom, before she gets her happy ending. But, my question remains- how do we do that?
We need to evolve. Well, I need to evolve. I can’t speak for you.
disclaimer: I am NOT talking about changing yourself for a man. My least favorite romcoms are the ones in which the characters change themselves for each other- Grease, anyone? I’ve done that, plenty of times, and it honestly just gets exhausting. Sure, I’ve gained a new interest or two from guys I’ve dated or even just liked, but pretending to be somebody you’re not is never, ever worth the attention that fake version of you gets.
Ok, now that I’ve gotten on my soapbox and preached to you all- what do I mean by evolve?
As the family I’m living with says- “ I HAVE TO LIVE IN MY BODY!”. Ok, that might be a fart joke (the kids are young and we love to see them laugh) but i promise it holds true here, too. Just stick with me.
Lately, I’ve felt the need to truly just be MYSELF more and more. I want to paint my nails pink and let my hair grow out long and dance like a crazy lady in public. I want to set my boundaries and keep them firm, but not be afraid to be uncomfortable, either.
One example, for me, is with the kids I’m with- I used to become a completely different version of myself around them, subject to their every whim. But, the more I grow to love them and cherish my time with them, the more I realize that it’s not fair to them to show up as a fake version of myself. So, when I need space, i say it. When I want to be a little bit crazy, I look at their embarrassed faces and laugh about it. I don’t try to hide my emotions- I live them out, and try to deal with them in a healthy way.
And, as I’m trying to be with the kids, I’m trying to be in my life as a whole. I’m trying new things- new shows, new books, new hobbies, new styles- but I’m also staying true to what I know I love. The romcoms, the old timey, girly books, the baking, all of it. I’m going new places and meeting new people, but also checking in with myself along the way and staying true to who I am, trying to keep Jesus at the center through it all.
To evolve is to “develop gradually”. Think about what we learn in school, particularly about micro evolution. When new species of feline branch out from the old ones, they’re still cats- just a little different. That’s where I’m at in my life right now. I still am, and will always be, myself, but I’m finding out more and more about who that girl is, and developing more and more into who I am becoming.
So, what does this have to do with romcoms? Honestly, not much. Part of this evolution I am undergoing is creating a life that is much less dependent on love and romance- or, at least, trying to. Last night, I watched “Miss Congeniality” for the first time ever, and I LOVED it. One of my favorite things about it was that it was about the girl, and she found herself before anything truly happened with her man. The movie didn’t revolve around the romance, but it was certainly an enjoyable part of it.
I want to evolve. I want to live in my body, and in my brain. I want to be who I am. When, someday, my knight in shining armor does come, I don’t want him to fall in love with some fake version of me. I want him to fall in love with ME. And, you should want the same.
xoxo Abigail